Truth

by Christian McIvor

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1.
9 O'Clock 03:11
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night, she finds an open letter on the bed Two floors down the door’s brass handle turns, he’s gone away for the night Somewhere in the middle the children laugh and play, not knowing anything is wrong Out in the yard, the snow falls down, covering the grass as it dies She falls to her knees The tears begin to bleed It’s half past nine on a Saturday night, she picks herself up off the floor Behind a closed door, the bottle’s half gone as he steadily empties his glass, and closes his eyes He falls right from his chair Just one more wasted night You can’t see tomorrow with yesterday’s eyes You can’t feed a lion with a handful of lies You just ride, ride your pale horse, ‘cause it’s the only thing Keeping you far from home It’s quarter to ten on a Saturday night, she opens the door where he lies Does he hurt you? Does he care? Does he tell you you’re wrong? Does he love you the way you should be loved? Close that door. And breathe, oh, just breathe Please, don’t you cry no more You can’t see tomorrow with yesterday’s eyes You can’t feed a lion with a handful of lies You just ride, ride your pale horse, ‘cause it’s the only thing Keeping you far from home You can’t see tomorrow with yesterday’s eyes You can’t feed a lion with a handful of lies You just ride, ride your white horse, ‘cause it’s the only thing Strong enough to carry you home.
2.
Coming Home 03:54
She wakes up in the afternoon She wipes her eyes and wonders where she lost the moon It left her here behind She caught herself up in the changing tide, but Wishes the water would set her down on the other side But the ocean’s too hard to find She tries to cross it all in one day She doesn’t know there’s any other way She looks down beside her and shakes her head Alone again with someone else in a different bed She wonders where she’s gone The snow gathers quickly and under the gray She steps in the footprints and thinks to herself she’ll be fine today If she can find a little sun She says, “We all die a little each day.” Yeah, we all die a little each day She says, “When are you coming home?” She says, “When are you coming home?” She says, “When are you coming home?” She says, “When are you coming home?” Somewhere between here and San Francisco She opens her eyes and starts to cry, though Anywhere else would be fine After the hours have come and passed She realizes now it’s all come on too fast She’s walked too thin a line She says, “I just wanted to have a little fun.” But she’s one step closer to coming undone. She takes to her feet and she turns around, Looking to see if she’s walking over the same wet ground She’s been here before Her lips curl up and the snow comes down, but she’s Moving fast to try to turn herself around She stands at the door She knocks and gives the doorbell a ring And I can see her spreading her wings. She says, “When are you coming home?” She says, “When are you coming home?” She says, “When are you coming home?” And I say, “Here, you’re always at home.”
3.
She calls me up on the telephone, she sounds so far away She says, “I’m just out on a little ride, across the USA. And oh, I missed you.” She says, “I don’t know why I came this far, I’ll be broke before too long.” I say, “When you’re always given what you need, is it faith that keeps you strong?” She says, “Oh, I miss you. She says, “You should come to Colorado, this mountain air will pull you in And the people, they all wave and tip their hats And it ain’t rained since late last week. She says, “Why do you sound the way you do? There’s no smile in your voice. But our lives are written out for us, I had no other choice. And oh, I missed you. You should come to California, the sun shines brighter on me now And the people, they all smile as they pass, And it ain’t rained in fourteen days.” I tell her all about my year, how I’d hoped for so much more. I say, “I’ve been alright, I guess, but then, I’ve been through all this before But still, oh, I miss you. You should come back to New England, the summer’s better when you’re here We could sit and watch the rain fall down On my front porch almost every night.” You know I’d give you all I had, but still you can’t admit You just wanted someone who could treat you like shit. And oh, you’ll miss me.
4.
Not the Same 03:57
Tell me the words that I don’t want to hear, Give me the reason, the reason you brought me here Was it you, was it me? I tried to be Everything that you wanted me to be Laughing at me when you know I can see Trying to make me believe that you are free Speak to me quietly, come back today, ‘cause Silence is worse than whatever you have to say We are, we are We are not the same Move in, move on I am not the same Summer to autumn to winter and then, Catch me off guard, get it over when you can Go back, return to the place where you came Forget about me and make me forget your name We are, we are We are not the same Move in, move on I am not the same These memories Won’t let me be There’s too much there You’re still everywhere Tell me the words that I don’t want to hear Give me the reason, the reason you brought me here We could be lovers or we could be friends I’ll take what you’ll give me if this is how it ends
5.
One Wish 04:44
Can you hear me through all the other voices? I just wanted to say The moon shines brighter on you tonight Than I’ve ever seen before You’re the only one that’s real (I searched around for miles and years, when I stopped looking, you appeared) And you remind me how this feels (You’re the only one that’s real, you remind me how this feels) I’ve been thinking ever since I left How I’d like to see your eyes open up real wide again I know you might have passed me off as just another But I can see you know what’s true You’re the only one that’s real (I searched around for miles and years, when I stopped looking, you appeared) And you remind me how this feels (You’re the only one that’s real, you remind me how this feels) But the nights are so cold And the days so long If I could have just one wish I’d spend it on you, spend it on you... Would you tell me if I did something wrong? Would you wait and let me go? Do you see me the same way that I see you? Will I ever get to know... you? You’re the only one that’s real (I searched around for miles and years, when I stopped looking, you appeared) And you remind me how this feels (You’re the only one that’s real, you remind me how this feels) But the nights are so cold And the days so long If I could have just one wish I’d spend it on you, spend it on you...
6.
If Only 03:11
Well I’ve been waiting For the next time, for you to come around And I’ve been wondering Why it’s been so hard to breathe and follow through If you only, if you only knew... If you only, if you only knew... Well you’ve been starting To feel my eyes move deeper into you But we’re still holding on To the faces and the places we once knew If you only, if you only knew... If you only, if you only knew... The hopes I hold begin to fade It’s hard to fight this cold Tell me words I’ve heard before, “I hope you feel the same.” I’ve been watching The silver hands that hold the heart on you I hope you find some – One to help you turn your hands around If you only, if you only knew... If you only, if you only knew...
7.
With You 03:36
Another year gone, and still no sign of peace After the storm, we’ll find ourselves once more Snow fallen simple reminders will come with the hope that you can start again Open your eyes and leave this place behind And all this time you’ve been hiding alone Waiting for someone to take you away Oh, and I’ll be with you... Saving your best for moments out of time Searching for depth you know you cannot find Looking to opposite sides of the truth in your search for broken heroes Always in doubt and never quite complete Oh, and I’ll be with you... All you need All you want All you need Is one touch to take you away Oh, and I’ll be with you...
8.
Outside 03:54
Listen, I just wanted to Take some time with you, decide what to do. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way Even if it’s just for today, I still feel I should say that Outside, the world is right And here we are in these autumn nights, There’s nowhere that I’d rather be Than here with you looking back at me. Could this happen all by chance? A passing glance, “Can I have this dance?” Tomorrow is calling endlessly What will come will be, but tonight you’re here with me, and Outside, the world is right And here we are in these autumn nights, There’s nowhere that I’d rather be Than here with you looking back at me. How can I help you find your way? What are you looking for today? I see right through your eyes, deep inside, Maybe that’s the reason why Outside, the world is right And here we are in these autumn nights, There’s nowhere that I’d rather be Than here with you looking back at me.
9.
Truth 03:48
I sit alone and watch the storm pass And wonder if my train will ever come I turn the wheel and let it go, but There’s something there that keeps me hanging on And all I ever wanted was to be The perfect thing for everyone but me Say you won’t care Leave me walking on the air Say you’ll be there Be the truth I’ve never known I sit and stare at my reflection I look at how the light shines off the glass I’m using all the colors I can find To remind myself this too shall pass And all I ever wanted was to be The perfect thing for everyone but me Say you won’t care Leave me walking on the air Say you’ll be there Be the truth I’ve never Had to hold and had to call my own This is what I’ve been waiting for, and I can’t wait to love you more and more Say you won’t care Leave me walking on the air Say you’ll be there Be the truth I’ve never

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**Please note "East Coast Love Song" contains explicit lyrics.

©Christian McIvor, 7/28/2014

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released July 29, 2014

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Christian McIvor Greensboro, North Carolina

Christian McIvor has been performing as a singer/songwriter since the late 1990s, performing at venues throughout New England, New York, and North Carolina. Influences include Ryan Adams, Nick Drake, Counting Crows, Bob Dylan, and Ellis Paul. He serves as a minister at College Park Church in Greensboro, NC, and his recent focus has been progressive Christian music. More info at the website below. ... more

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